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 unday by 5 PM? Why not
Sunday by 4 PM? Or Sunday by 6 PM? Or Saturday? Or even Monday? Why not
make Katherine Harris accept the hand counts wearing a red dress? Or while
patting her head and rubbing her belly at the same time? Or while wearing
Groucho Marx glasses and a party hat? Why not flat-out mandate that dimple
chads must count, instead of just strongly suggesting it? Why not order
that all dimpled chads count twice to compensate the near-disenfranchisement
of these voters in keeping with the court's "broad equitable power"? Why
not make Al Gore and George W. Bush meet, as the vice president suggests?
Why not mandate that the "tone" of discourse be raised, as the vice president
suggests? Why not impose a prescription-drug plan and an expansion of
Social Security benefits, as the vice president suggests? Why not just
dispense with "hyper-technicalities" altogether and make Al Gore the next
president of the United States? And why not go all the way and "reconcile
the constitutional scheme" of Florida by eliminating the legislative and
executive branches, thus laying bare what we are now experiencing —
the naked power of an arbitrary and capricious judiciary.
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